Frightening Truth

So I went and saw The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo night before last. I have not read the books though I plan to do so. The movie was really good, but difficult to watch. It was very disturbing—showing one especially gruesome rape scene. The girl, Lisbeth is basically forced into prostitution in order to get the money needed to survive. Aside from this, the plot includes a crazy rapist murderer. I kept thinking about what I had watched (especially the rape scene) and it really upset me because it is such a real issue. I just took a Women’s Studies class last semester, and we studied a whole unit on relationship violence and violence in general (rape and sexual assault predominantly). The frequency that this kind of abuse occurs is frightening. 1 in 4 women will suffer some form of sexual assault while in college. 25% is waaay too many women. We studied the effects of said rapes and assaults, and it’s horrible. The strategies for dealing with this growing problem seem like not enough. One man, Jackson Katz, has a whole program and way of thinking that targets the men (you can look his videos up on Youtube). Whatever we can do to deal with this problem…well, I don’t know exactly what that is, but we need to do it.

Aside from rape itself, I can’t imagine being in a situation in which prostitution was my only option. When I think of the stories of women who are forced to sell their bodies and endure abuse at the hands of their customers, it just upsets me so much. I had nightmares that night of being raped. The movie itself truly is fantastic, the acting incredible, and so on…but the truth behind the events is what really gets to you.

I already had these thoughts and concerns about rape and such, and then last night we watched this movie called American Psycho. The movie tells the story of a crazy rapist murderer who gets away with his crimes. The movie was also disturbing and the ending makes no sense at all. I don’t know if you have watched this movie, but I wouldn’t recommend it. But the quality of the movie itself is beside the point. Here also is a movie that shows a man who is insane and living well in society (no one knows he’s an insane killer) and shows his many victims. Rape is real, but is also real in the movie industry. You can’t help but question whether the amount of rape in real life leads to its vast portrayal in movies, or if showing it in movies has some effect on men committing these crimes in real life. On one hand, showing such horrible things raises awareness, but is that only positive awareness? Whenever I watch Criminal Minds, I always wonder if some crazy person is also watching and instead of being horrified at the serial killers, he/she is excited and filled with some sort of sick happiness. Are we giving them ideas and new ways to kill?

My post today is a little depressing (especially right after Christmas), but it’s something that has been weighing on my mind—especially ever since going to the movies the other night. I wish I knew something that I could personally do to help prevent rape and murder…but then again I guess we (we as in sane people) all want to know how to stop terrible things. Maybe we will be able to do something about it, and I will end this post hoping for a better future As the Clock Ticks…

Merry Christmas, y'all

Silent Snapshot Sunday:

I want to wish you a Merry Christmas As the Clock Ticks...:)

Believe

Day 17.

Today is Christmas Eve. The long anticipated night for children everywhere. Santa is Coming!! This “jolly old elf” is one famous man. He has different names, but whatever you want to call him…Santa is basically amazing. Everyone wants to feel and see magic around them. Christmas is considered the most magical time of the year. Maybe that’s why we all want to believe. We all want to believe in life, in our dreams, in our purpose, in our fellow man, in our God—so why not believe in Santa? He embodies all that is good. He gives to everyone and encourages good behavior in children. What more could we want? The Christmas tradition has many greedy qualities, but at the root of all the greed, there really is good. The reason for celebrating is the joy that comes with the birth of Jesus Christ. And that joy can be seen in each little kid’s eyes as they await the coming of Santa. I don’t think it is just the prospect of presents that brings that excitement and wonder. There is a wonderful mystery surrounding Santa/St. Nicholas/Kris Kringle/…, and that mystery also surrounds the birth of Jesus. Santa goes to every house in the entire world in one night. Jesus was conceived by a virgin. Both amazing and almost unbelievable. Yet, we want to believe. We have faith in the unknown. A rare quality in humans, to be sure (we usually fear what we don’t understand…but that’s a topic for another time). So we believe. We have faith in a little baby born of a virgin and a man in red with a belly like a “bowl full of jelly”.

This time of year, let’s all continue to believe in something (it doesn’t matter what) As the Clock Ticks…

in a cubicle

Day 16.

The word of the day Thursday (today I took the word of the day from the New York Times): cubicle

Definition: small area set off by walls for special use

I’m going to stretch the definition a bit…and say that I feel like I’m in a cubicle. I feel restricted being at home after living at school and doing whatever I want whenever I want. I’m not used to being on someone else’s schedule. Which leads to feeling a bit constricted. I’m sure y’all can relate to the feeling.

What really brought the constricted feeling is this morning. The second I got out of the bed, my mom started in on a list of things she needed me to do. Unload and load the dishwasher, wipe down the counter, bake cookies for the neighbor…and so on. I don’t mind helping out, but in that short conversation this morning I was brought back to high school (or really my entire childhood). Who likes chores? I don’t know why I thought that it’d be different when I was home visiting. I guess somehow I thought I would just be able to relax. Not true.

Well I guess I need to get back to cleaning, in my cubicle of life (bit of a stretch of the definition I guess, but whatever) As the Clock Ticks…

The price we pay to be educated...

Day 15.

Well I was off to such a great start, but I forgot to write yesterday! I thought that the time I had at home would give me more time to devote to creating a good blog—turns out I’m busier than ever. So I apologize for all of you that were, I’m sure, absolutely heartbroken that I didn’t post.

Yesterday I spent quite some time online selling my textbooks and trying to find the least expensive ones to buy for next semester. The cost of these books is ridiculous!! The best website I found is called www.bigwords.com. You type in the ISBN number (or whatever it’s called) and then click on whether you want to buy or sell that book. It then prepares a price comparison from various websites so you can see what the best deal is for you! I had heard that www.bookbyte.com was a good place to get cheap textbooks and that they buy back for a fairly good price as well. And for several of the books, bookbyte.com did come up with one of the highest buy back price or lowest price to buy. Another website a friend told me was best for buy back is www.webuytextbooks.com. Another option many people choose, is to rent their textbooks. A popular site for renting is www.chegg.com. Although this is the most well-known, I used a different site to rent one of mine through Bigwords.com. These were the best websites I could find. Bigwords.com is the easiest to use, however, because it shows prices for a lot of different websites and does all the comparison work for you. So for any of you college students out there trying to get the most out of your money, I hope that helps!

Using these websites worked out pretty well, but, unfortunately, not all of my required textbooks are available to buy or rent from other sources. My lab books and Spanish book are made exclusively for my school and have to be purchased through the school bookstore. Also, my Biology textbook is a new edition and has to be bought with the Aplia component. That means I am forced to buy 4 books through the school bookstore. I have the option checked for a used book if available, but if I can’t get a used book…my grand total for those 4 books (3 of which are paperback) is about $500.00!! Why are college textbooks so expensive? They are used for one semester and then sold or otherwise discarded of, in most cases. The cost of an education is outrageous. How are we supposed to be college graduates (which is basically necessary in the world we live in) when affording the education is such a problem? Textbooks are just one aspect in how much going to college costs. For many families it just isn’t feasible to be able to send their children off to school. Scholarships can help, but this kind of money isn’t available to everyone. And I’m just talking about undergraduate degrees. To go beyond and get your masters, you will most likely end up even further in debt because where the scholarships and savings end, loans begin. I plan to go to medical school where the average student graduates a whopping $130,000.00 in debt. That’s where you want to be when you’re just starting off your life outside of school…$130,000 in the hole.

So what can we do about the price of education? I wish I had an answer… Considering the price to attend college goes up every year, Lord knows what I’ll have to pay for my kids to go. Isn’t there supposed to be equal opportunity for all in this country? Yeah, right. The only way for all kids to have equal opportunity to secondary education is to level the playing field when it comes to cost. I understand people have to work hard to be able to achieve a college degree, but money should not be the main obstacle. It should be the coursework. I guess I will just continue to dream of lower priced education As the Clock Ticks…

Buying Christmas

Day 13.

What is both the best and the worst thing about Christmas? Presents. It’s wonderful to look forward to receiving new things; yet, presents are also the most stressful aspect about Christmas. Which is saying a lot (as if cooking for and gathering together a large family isn’t stressful enough). Today I went shopping with my aunt so I could pick out some new clothes to be my present from her. It was sweet of her, but I feel like I don’t deserve to get so many nice things. Aside from feeling guilty shopping for myself, what really amazed me were the hordes of people we had to fight in the stores and on the streets. Crowds are everywhere. Full of people stressed out trying to buy, buy, buy for everyone!

I think the word ‘Christmas’ immediately causes people’s blood pressure to rise in anticipation of the money and time that is to be spent on searching for the perfect present for their children and family. And it’s not like you can just find one good gift and call it quits. Children expect many presents to be waiting under the tree. When did Christmas become such a buying spree? I have always been blessed with a great family full of people eager to get me many nice things. Yet, wouldn’t it be simpler if we celebrated Christmas without all the gift-buying and giving? Maybe just one little something to the people you are closest to, and nothing more. The consumer-happy people of America would never go for it. Anyone who has the means to purchase many things for their families and friends feels an obligation to do so. And so we will all continue to buy and buy some more As the Clock Ticks…

The Sound of Christmas

  Day 12.

Snapshot Sunday:

I’ve never played any kind of musical instrument and I’ve never really gone to many orchestra performances. But tonight my brother’s theatre group acted out “’Twas the Night Before Christmas” at our town’s Christmas symphony orchestra performance, and so I went. I thoroughly enjoyed the music! Makes me want to return to one of my old goals: to learn how to play the violin. Perhaps I should make that happen…

So I will continue humming wonderful Christmas music As the Clock Ticks…

Home sweet home

Day 11.

Tensions are high in my household. Around Christmastime there is always an added pressure to be together and happy—which usually results in the opposite. However, there is an intensified desire for everything to go perfectly since I am home. Going away to college has made things different and my family wants to maximize the fun the short time I am with them. It’s day 2 of being home and it is as if they are all vying for my attention. I move to a room and they all follow. I try to have a conversation with one; it becomes a competition of who can get in what they want to say over the others. I’m sure all of you experience the same thing when home visiting from college.

It’s especially difficult for my little 8 year old sister. At school, they have some free drawing time during the day. My mom found what she had been drawing. They were all pictures starring me and TCU. Everything is about the power of purple and frogs, or things about me, or both. So sweet. She misses me so much and wants to have me all to herself whenever I am home. When other people try to say something to me, she wants to be in the middle of everything. If she’s not, the result is screaming and proclamations of “No one cares about me!!!”

So the drama is high here in the house. I will try to please everyone here at home As the Clock Ticks…

Every day

Day 10.

FINALLY FINISHED WITH FINALS. I am now home surrounded by my family who all have a million things to ask and to tell me about. I think as soon as I walk in the door, they think they need to tell me every single detail of everything that happened in every second of every day since I last saw them in person. It’s nice to feel so loved, but all the enthusiasm can be a bit tiring.

I’m not going to write much today, but I’ll just include one of my favorite quotes from baseball Hall of Famer Bob Feller, “Every day is a new opportunity. You can build on yesterday’s successes or put its failures behind and start over again. That’s the way life is, with a new game every day, and that’s the way baseball is.”

I love this quote because I think it is so true. I like to think of every single day as a lifetime in itself. If you just had 24 hours to live, would you be satisfied with what you had accomplished that day? I like to think of my life in that way—with every morning being a new opportunity for living. It doesn’t matter about the past, because in the morning, it’s a whole new world (started singing Aladdin as soon as I typed that). So I will try to embrace my family’s enthusiasm and be satisfied with life, one day at a time As the Clock Ticks…

Terminus

Day 9.

The Word of the Day Thursday is: Terminus. Definition: end, last stop.

Tomorrow is the last day of the semester. My first semester. Two exams stand between me and Christmas break. So I have almost reached the terminus. You know the feeling you get when you are about to accomplish something great, well I’ve got that feeling. I feel like I am one semester closer to obtaining my degree and living my life beyond textbooks and dorm rooms. I am not in a hurry for this to end necessarily, but, at the same time, it is exciting to think about the prospect of one day being something more than a student.

One semester down, 11 and a half more years to go until I am a full-fledged doctor. Seems forever, but the big terminus is many small endings from now. Every ending is a new beginning right? So I will take each terminus as a small victory. That’s all we’re really doing, accomplishing small things everyday…always looking forward to what’s ahead. I will continue to study, (seems it’s consuming my life right now) looking for the terminus tomorrow As the Clock Ticks…

Hold the door!

Day 8.

Today I had my final for my Women’s Studies class. It has been an interesting subject full of analyzing the basis of feminism and misconceptions surrounding sex, gender, and sexuality. I have always considered myself a feminist. If you tell me I can’t do something as well as a man…well, I’ll have to prove you wrong (except maybe in weight lifting and sperm production).

Yet, there are certain things about being a female I love—like the fact that guys open the door for me. I’m not sure why, but every time a guy takes the time to hold the door for me or lets me walk in a room in front of him, it makes me feel special.

Holding the door for a girl is a common thing around here, but I still always recognize it as a nice gesture that is certainly not required. When I visited Chicago, I was surprised when a man in front of me practically dropped the door on top of me. It happened more than once, and I had not previously realized that it wasn’t a universal thing for men to open the door for women.

Don’t get me wrong, I am perfectly capable of opening the door for myself (and don’t expect anyone to open it for me). But at the same time, it’s a nice feeling. Well that’s about all I have time for today—still buried in studying! So I will continue to push through the end of my studying and test taking As the Clock Ticks…

Oh, Christmas Tree...

Day 7.

There are many traditions connected with Christmas and Christmastime. An interesting one is the Christmas Tree. It’s such an essential part of Christmas decorations for many families across the country, yet, there are so many variations. Some families always go out and cut down their own tree. Some families go with a fake tree. Some trees are covered with a conglomerate of hand-made kids ornaments. Some are color coordinated and decorated carefully. So much thought goes into putting up a Christmas tree. In some families the kids always help. Some people don’t even have a tree.

Whatever the tradition, everybody seems to have some story or memory of putting up the Christmas tree. Songs are dedicated to the beauty of a good Christmas tree... “Oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree…” With so much importance placed on this aspect of Christmas, it’s surprising the number of ugly trees out there.

I was so excited with the prospect of getting a giant tree in the middle of campus. At first I tried not to notice what was obvious. The branches were all broken, it leans, and there are more holes than branches. This tree has been up since Thanksgiving break, but it took me until today to finally recognize the fact that it is not a pretty tree. You know, it’s an ugly tree.

Every year until now I have always helped in picking out a tree. Every year we have had a great tree. Well, this year I’m at college and it was up to my family to find a good tree. According to my mom, my dad and sister failed at picking at a good one. My sister (who is 8) is the one who supposedly picked it out. I’d like to think I had a pretty tree to come home to, but my mom claims it is the ugliest tree she’s ever seen. Her description sounded much like the tree in the middle of campus. Terrible. My brother claims it looks like a trailer part tree with tacky colored lights adding to the fact the branches are broken, it leans, and has holes all in it. Not to mention the decorating is sporadic at best. (My sister decorated the whole thing to her liking).

I have not been home to see this wonderful masterpiece, but it sounds like I don’t have much to look forward to. Oh well, I’m sure there are worse trees out there. Like in the commons on campus. I’ll just continue to study and try to find a beautiful tree somewhere As the Clock Ticks…

Study

Day 6.

I wish I had the time to write some wonderfully insightful post, but considering it’s finals week and I have tons of studying to do…not going to happen.

Instead, I would like to comment on how crazy it is that finals are worth so much of our grade, and that I’m jealous of all the people who A.) Don’t have to take all their finals because of exemptions (the option doesn’t exist for me), B.) Don’t have cumulative exams and are only being tested over the latest material (all of mine are cumulative), C.) Are already finished with all their exams and can begin their Christmas fun. Alright, I got my complaining out.

Here’s something for those of you in the same boat as me:

“Those who do not study are only cattle dressed up in men’s clothes.” --Chinese Proverb.

So, study. Being educated is important, right? But I have to admit, it’s hard to see it as something important at this moment. I suppose I won’t quit now and will continue to study (with the hopes of being more educated than ignorant cattle) As the Clock Ticks…

A picture's worth a thousand words...

Day 5.

Silent Sunday picture:

Last night was the Yule Ball in my dorm. Yes, we are so cool that we get a Harry Potter themed dance downstairs in our great hall. Our dance didn’t quite look like the above scene from Harry Potter, but it was fun nonetheless. We danced and danced As the Clock Ticked…

Last Night

Day 4.

Last night was so eventful! I’m not sure what I should elaborate on…my Reik concert, or my awkward experience at Billy Bob’s (a bar with country music and two-stepping). So I guess I’ll talk about both.

The night began at the Reik concert—my friend and I being the only English speaking fans. The opening act was some sort of Spanish Techno mix DJ group. They were fabulous! Had no clue what in the world they were saying, but it was quite the experience. Then Reik came on. They were absolutely amazing. I’m not sure if it’s normal to love a band that you can’t even understand everything they say, but music is the universal language right? Or something like that… Anyway, I felt so proud because they played every song that I knew. I sang right along—the people around were either tricked into believing I was actually fluent in Spanish, or they were confused at my weird accent. Who knows. I sounded good to me…

So long story short, the concert was so fun. I would recommend to all of you to go to at least one concert in a different language. Add it to your Bucket List.

The night continued as a group of friends and I went to Billy Bob’s. I never think of this place as being a bar. Yes, there is a bar. Yes, there are a lot of smokers. Yes, there are a lot of drunken people. But to my friends and myself, it is the place to spend a night two-stepping in our cowboy boots.

In movies, there are always the scenes when there are two guys at a bar trying to “pick up chicks”. I’ve never thought much of the whole thing except that it’s always funny in movies when the guys are standing over at the bar together strategizing and picking out the girls they are going to go after. Well, I lived out this scenario last night. A guy comes up from behind as my friend and I were sitting. He asked if he could use our ashtray. Obviously we weren’t using it, so I said sure. Turns out, this is how they make their move. The guy is pretty cute, drunk, but cute. He introduces himself as Mitchell to my friend and me. Then he introduces his friend, Anthony (I think that was his name). Well Anthony creeps up out of nowhere in a creepy leather trench coat thing. Mitchell (the cute one) looks at me and asked if I knew how to dance, to which I replied that I did. He turns immediately to my friend and asked her if she’d like to dance. Suddenly, I’m somehow on the dance floor with the creepy guy that doesn’t even know how to dance with his hand sliding further and further down my back. He kept trying to pull me closer and closer. How do you get out of a situation like this? I wish I could tell you. I personally just prayed for the song to end. I tried to walk off the dance floor as quickly as possible, which didn’t work. After a bit of horrible conversation, I learned he went to the community college in the area, was 21, and smoked. Finally one of the guys I came with rescued me, and another came for my friend.

Although I was disgusted at the time, it certainly makes for a good story to tell now. I spared y’all all the details, but you get the picture. When you're in a bar and you’re stuck with a guy you are not interested in AT ALL, how do you escape effectively? Not sure. Maybe say you have to go to the bathroom and disappear?

Well from a concert completely in Spanish to a honky-tonk and dancing with a creeper, it was quite a night. So I will continue to sing my Reik songs and avoid weirdos in bars As the Clock Ticks...

Changes

Day 3.

I think the biggest lesson high school taught me was that people change. People change their attitudes, their clothes, their beliefs, their friends, their opinions. They graduate with the prospect of changing their lives. High school is a time for change and growth. Unfortunately, it felt like it was only the people around me who were changing. I always felt that I was staying the same while the people I knew at one point became people I didn’t know at all. I felt that I was growing apart from all the people who had been important.

Maybe this is how we are all able to make that transition to college, or wherever we go after high school. It’s sad to leave some things behind, but one thing I’ve realized this semester is how few people I’ve actually missed. Sounds terrible, but it’s true.

Tonight, one of the friends I have known for all my life (we’ve been friends since we were about 3 years old) is coming to visit me. We are going to a Reik concert. Reik is a Mexican band we fell in love with when we first started listening to Spanish songs in our Spanish class...Our last years of high school we didn’t see each other as much and weren’t as close. Yet, she is one of only a couple of people who have come to see me this year. People change, but the people who are really supposed to be in your life, will continue to be there. Even if it takes a random Mexican band to make that happen. :)

Change is a thing that many people fear. Just as I fear that since CJ Wilson (lefty pitcher for the Texas Rangers) is leaving us for the Angels, the Rangers won’t ever be the same. And they won’t be the same team, but it happens. Change is present in all aspects of our life. Sometimes sad, sometimes wonderful, sometimes bittersweet, but always there.

So I’ll look forward to the changes that will come and the concert tonight, As the Clock Ticks…

Cogitation

Day 2.

The Word of the Day Thursday: Cogitation. Definition: deep thought, the capacity to think or reflect, the faculty of thinking.

This word is so appropriate to describe my life currently--from now until about next Friday at 2:00 in the afternoon. Finals begin next week, and there is SO MUCH to cover. So yes, a lot of cogitation going on.

So difficult to concentrate on biology and chemistry and español and women’s studies and all my notes from the ENTIRE semester for said classes with the prospect of Christmas break almost upon us!

I am completely fascinated with the amount of thought our brains are able to handle. How many facts can we cram in before our head explodes? I’m pretty sure college students everywhere are testing the limits. I’ve always been amazed with how much we are able to commit to memory (no matter how short-term).

It’s not just the facts and concepts we need for class and to pass tests, but the memories we retain over many years. The information we won’t ever forget. The things we see in our day to day lives that hold meaning and immediately remind us of something we did at some earlier point in our life. The memories groups of people share are the things that bring them together. We grow close to the people in our lives with whom we share similar experiences. The people whom we share thoughts with. Cogitation.

The process of thinking takes up the vast majority of our life. It is how we analyze situations, rationalize through problems and issues, make decisions, interact with the world around us…and, yes, also the way in which we make it through college—especially FINALS WEEK.

It’s not called procrastination if you’re doing something worthwhile like watching old Boy Meets World episodes, right? Because you are making memories (within the brain’s realm of functionality—similiar to studying, right?). Well, however I fill my days…studying will definitely be a major component. So I will continue to think and fill my brain with thoughts, full of cogitation, As the Clock Ticks…

Here we go...

Day 1.

Today is the official last day of classes of my first semester freshmen year (YAY). And the official first day of my blog. Why write a blog (and start it when I should be studying for finals)?

From the time I was able to write coherent sentences about my day, I did. I kept a journal of information about my day, my friends, who fought at recess, my thoughts, whatever came to mind. As time passed, I would randomly come across these old journals (usually as I was attempting to clean out some drawer) and I would sit down for hours rereading and remembering. At some point, late middle school I think, I stopped writing in a journal. It seemed there wasn’t time. By high school, I began to rely heavily on my planner. Writing my homework down, sports games, scores of Texas Rangers baseball games, whose house I was hanging out at, what movies I went to the theatre to see, etc. became a way to record my life. I think we all want a way to record our lives, our thoughts, our hopes. As time goes on, the methods of recording change, but, as humans, we have always and will always invest much time in recording moments. We fill albums of pictures (Facebook counts too) in order to make sure we remember the moments that have been contributing factors in shaping who we are. Parents video their kids singing in Christmas musicals, playing dress up, and even studying (yes one day my mom walked in with a camera while I was on my bed studying for some test in high school...). There are dozens and dozens of tapes that my parents have recorded and rarely, if ever, do we go back and watch them. Yet, there is some comfort in the knowledge that this documentation is out there. Maybe we have the need to record our lives because we want to know that we did something significant or prove that, yes, we lived. These recording may or may not outlive us, but there is that possibility. When I was younger, I always thought that if I died, my family would find my journals, possibly read them, and know a little more about the inner-workings of my mind. I was comforted with the idea that even if I was gone, I would have left behind some sort of mark that was just me.

So now I’ve decided to explore the blogging world as a way to record what is going on in my life. It is an outlet I will use to express the happenings of my daily life (not too interesting probably, but that’s ok too), the issues I’m thinking about, politics, feminist ideals, random things I find funny—whatever the content, it will be the things I will be able to look back on and remember. A blog is meant to be read by others, so hopefully, if you’re reading this, you will find something relatable in what I discuss. Either way, I will continue to write, to record, As the Clock Ticks…